I'll just torture myself, thanks.

So I went back on dating sites.
Eh.
Our world is just really screwed up.

Or maybe I just never belonged here in the first place?

Apparently, actually admitting you want a relationship is being pushy or desperate these days?
Apparently, the fact that I don't want to see the ugly penises of strange mean makes me a prude!

And then there was one guy on tinder who was cute, local and shared common interests. I was very excited about the prospect and our conversation until he decided to let me know his fetishes by sending me porn hub links with time stamps so I could see exactly what he preferred.

UUUGGGGHHH

This came up during my visit with Gomez. We both agreed that it is super creepy when people use their kinks as a checklist for potential partners without even getting to know someone first (i.e. fetlife. full of psychopaths who think they are the real life Christian Grey)

That seems so dysfunctional to me, the idea not being able to have a relationship unless it exists in these very specific parameters.
He and I both agreed that being able to have a multi-faceted relationship in which you explore together and still grow as individuals is the best choice. I sensed that chemistry between us and I still don't understand why he pushed me away :(
It makes me sad that there are some people (myself included) who are often scared of commitment because they've been treated badly and can't handle the heartbreak happening again.

Anyway...

I think I'm too much of a romantic for online dating.
And it's not like I'm opposed to sexy texts or photos. Gomez and I had fun sharing those things from time to time and it did bring us closer together, and it did alleviate sexual frustrations. However, it wasn't the basis of our interactions. We got to know each other first and talking about everything in our lives. Things happened naturally. Sure, it takes patience and sometimes there are awkward moments, but I'd rather have that than these interactions with people that require "scenes" or some sort of script otherwise they just aren't into you.

So many of these dudes have completely unrealistic expectations of the type of women they can actually attract.
If you are bald, overweight and have kids or an ex wife, don't expect a hot young thing wants to be your love slave. Seriously, you aren't George Clooney. Just stop.

One guy that I swiped right on told me that I was too old and should have locked someone down when I was in my 20s. He was older than me and on okcupid. Somehow, it's ok for him to be single and looking but not for a woman his age to be single?? then I looked on his profile and saw a bunch of "red pill" subreddit jargon. That explains everything *eyeroll*

Another guy located in Chicago asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee. I said yes, even though I wasn't really attracted to him based on his photos (lots of close up selfies, always wearing a hat of some type). He did mention he was pagan and a business owner so I thought perhaps we could be a good prospect if we connected.
We exchange phone numbers. He then proceeded to text me, asking for photos.
An unedited photo, with no makeup, which really annoyed me because none of my photos on my profile were edited to begin with.
A full body photo in yoga pants and tank top. (Yes, he actually asked for this)
My response was "Ok, I can do that. First, I want a photo of your most recent bank statement and another of you without a hat on because I'm pretty sure you are hiding something." After the iPhone notification showed he read the message, I blocked his number before he could respond ROTFL

Yup. I think it is safe to say that I am done with online dating. On facebook, my high school friend Rich suggested that I try bumble because that's how he met his girlfriend, but I just think I'm done.

I'd rather be lonely than deal with this bullshit.