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Dreams of Home
Apr. 18th, 2018 08:05 amIn high school, one of my favorites thing to do was to walk home. I was often in detention, or simply stayed after and hung out in the forest preserve, going on walks with my friends Alex and Josh. Around 6pm, I'd make the trek home. I'd see the cars parked in driveways, kitchen lights on and families eating dinner. I often wondered what the lives of the people who lived in those houses were like. Did they dread going home as much as I did? Did they enjoy spending the weekend at home? Could they actually relax and laugh, or were they all walking on eggshells like we were?
I would imagine what my future would be. The visions changed depending on my mood or relationship status, but I never really had a definite goal for my future in terms of a home/family/husband. I think the two ideas that really stuck with me the most were me living in a little witchy cottage located in a seaside town, or living in a nice condo in a big city. Two radically different environments, but I think they both appeal to this Gemini in an authentic way.
The older I get, the more I realize how fucked our system is, the less I want to own. I've been drawn to the tiny house movement for awhile now. However, I know that if I were ever to get married, I would still need a space of my own and tiny houses don't really make that an option. So, I definitely want a smaller house. Something that has charm and is unique.
I distinctly remember the day we went too look at the place on Basswood Dr. As soon as I stepped in the house, I just had this feeling in my gut that was saying "NO". I didn't know shit about sq. footage or floorplans or feng sui, but my intuition knew that I would not be happy there. When my parents told us later that week that we were moving into tht house, I was filled with a sense of dread. When I moved back as an adult, my parents would sometimes leave for the weekend to go on motorycycle trips. Even having that space did myself didn't easy my discontent. There is something about that place that just doesn't seem right to me.
Yesterday, I realized that I have put my future on hold for a long time now. It's hard to dream and plan for your future when yoou are also hoping you will find someone to share it with. Or maybe that just me looking for a way to excue my lack of direction in setting and achieving certain goals?
So without being too specific, here are a few of the things I know I want/need concerning my home and location:
1. Access to public transit and walkable areas. I like walking to little shops and the corner grocery. Walking so much is part of what I think keep me young and in better shape that most people my age who drive everywhere.
Living in Crystal Lake is great; there is a wonderful little "main street" downtown area with plenty of bars, cafes, etc. And the metra train to chicago is easily accessible. HOWEVER, the local public transit to wal-mart, grocery, target, hospital, etc SUCKS. It's a shame they don't have a local bus system, I could actually see myself living here.
At this point, I have no interest in living in a place that doesn't have public transport. We all need to reduce our carbon footprint.
2. A porch. Can either be in front or back. IT's just really nice to sit outside and have your coffee or tea and maybe a little herb garden like I did in Chicago. Even with tiny hoouse, the ones that I tend to like most have a porch. Some even have a wraparound <3 <3
3. AS far as interiors go, I think my style is somewhere between cozy cottage and haunted manor LOL
I like a mix of modern and new. I do enjoy a darker aesthetic; however the "everyday is Halloween" look just doesn't appeal to me. I know, I know. -10000 goth points LOL I enjoy decorating seasonally; partially because it brings back fond memories of my Nana, but also because of my spiritual path. October is a magical time, and it quits feeling special to me when I am surrounded by "spooky stuff" 24/7/365. So, I want touches of creepy and occult, rather than it looking like a Spirit Halloween store exploded in my home.
4. Goth club and pagan community. Yes, I am putting this on my list because over the years, I have realized how important it is to have "your people". We all want to belong to a community of some kind. I enjoy going to the club, even when I don't talk to many folks. And even though there are many flaky, creepy pagans out there, there are also cool ones. Nothing is better than being able to find a few that you connect with and cerebrating the sabbats together or doing a full moon ritual. Being in a coven definitely changed me for the better in that regard.
5. Proximity to where I work. If I have to spend more than a half an hour traveling somewhere, forget it. It's bad enough that in our modern society we are expected to spend over 1/3 of our day at work. I refuse to waste even more time traveling there. My stepmom used to take the el in the city to get to work. Probably at least an hour each way. No wonder she was miserable most of the time. She left the house before my dad and didn't get home until after he did. Fuck that.
I would imagine what my future would be. The visions changed depending on my mood or relationship status, but I never really had a definite goal for my future in terms of a home/family/husband. I think the two ideas that really stuck with me the most were me living in a little witchy cottage located in a seaside town, or living in a nice condo in a big city. Two radically different environments, but I think they both appeal to this Gemini in an authentic way.
The older I get, the more I realize how fucked our system is, the less I want to own. I've been drawn to the tiny house movement for awhile now. However, I know that if I were ever to get married, I would still need a space of my own and tiny houses don't really make that an option. So, I definitely want a smaller house. Something that has charm and is unique.
I distinctly remember the day we went too look at the place on Basswood Dr. As soon as I stepped in the house, I just had this feeling in my gut that was saying "NO". I didn't know shit about sq. footage or floorplans or feng sui, but my intuition knew that I would not be happy there. When my parents told us later that week that we were moving into tht house, I was filled with a sense of dread. When I moved back as an adult, my parents would sometimes leave for the weekend to go on motorycycle trips. Even having that space did myself didn't easy my discontent. There is something about that place that just doesn't seem right to me.
Yesterday, I realized that I have put my future on hold for a long time now. It's hard to dream and plan for your future when yoou are also hoping you will find someone to share it with. Or maybe that just me looking for a way to excue my lack of direction in setting and achieving certain goals?
So without being too specific, here are a few of the things I know I want/need concerning my home and location:
1. Access to public transit and walkable areas. I like walking to little shops and the corner grocery. Walking so much is part of what I think keep me young and in better shape that most people my age who drive everywhere.
Living in Crystal Lake is great; there is a wonderful little "main street" downtown area with plenty of bars, cafes, etc. And the metra train to chicago is easily accessible. HOWEVER, the local public transit to wal-mart, grocery, target, hospital, etc SUCKS. It's a shame they don't have a local bus system, I could actually see myself living here.
At this point, I have no interest in living in a place that doesn't have public transport. We all need to reduce our carbon footprint.
2. A porch. Can either be in front or back. IT's just really nice to sit outside and have your coffee or tea and maybe a little herb garden like I did in Chicago. Even with tiny hoouse, the ones that I tend to like most have a porch. Some even have a wraparound <3 <3
3. AS far as interiors go, I think my style is somewhere between cozy cottage and haunted manor LOL
I like a mix of modern and new. I do enjoy a darker aesthetic; however the "everyday is Halloween" look just doesn't appeal to me. I know, I know. -10000 goth points LOL I enjoy decorating seasonally; partially because it brings back fond memories of my Nana, but also because of my spiritual path. October is a magical time, and it quits feeling special to me when I am surrounded by "spooky stuff" 24/7/365. So, I want touches of creepy and occult, rather than it looking like a Spirit Halloween store exploded in my home.
4. Goth club and pagan community. Yes, I am putting this on my list because over the years, I have realized how important it is to have "your people". We all want to belong to a community of some kind. I enjoy going to the club, even when I don't talk to many folks. And even though there are many flaky, creepy pagans out there, there are also cool ones. Nothing is better than being able to find a few that you connect with and cerebrating the sabbats together or doing a full moon ritual. Being in a coven definitely changed me for the better in that regard.
5. Proximity to where I work. If I have to spend more than a half an hour traveling somewhere, forget it. It's bad enough that in our modern society we are expected to spend over 1/3 of our day at work. I refuse to waste even more time traveling there. My stepmom used to take the el in the city to get to work. Probably at least an hour each way. No wonder she was miserable most of the time. She left the house before my dad and didn't get home until after he did. Fuck that.