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Home: Relfections
Apr. 16th, 2018 08:33 amThis is the first part of our latest homework assignment. Thankfully I only have to turn in 1 worksheet at the end of the exercise, so I can ramble as much as my little heart desires hehe
Having lived in various types of settings during most of my life, the concept of Home is something I have longed for. A place that is warm and loving. A peaceful oasis from the weary world. A place full of love and laughter. Definitely not what I experienced in my youth. Definitely not the majority of my adult life when living with boyfriends or family.
Even while living with partners or family, looking back, I realized that I did try to inject as much as my dream as I could. As an adolescent, I would try to decorate with posters or crystals that my great aunt Trisha gave me. They usually got confiscated though. Then I turned to books and music that I savored in the privacy of my room, in fear of it being contaminated by the outside forces, aka the parents. TO this day, I still prefer to listen to music with headphones, probably because of not having privacy for so many years.
I remember living with my high school sweetheart and his family. At that time, I did not clean much, however I did enjoy cooking the few simple recipes I knew for him and our friends. I remember feeling a sense of pride when they would specifically ask for me to make my pizza bagel melts.
Ryan..ugh. One of the few relationships I actually regret on all levels. Still, I do remember trying to keep the house clean and even cooking dinners for us and his mom, when she would actually get off her computer and come to the table to eat.
Living in the trailer with Whitey and his brother, I insisted that the kitchen be decorated in blue gingham and lemon yellow. It made the place brighter, both in presence and feeling. The trailer was so dark (eck, cheap wood paneling) and I spend a lot of effort trying to brighten it up and using lemons to clean everything. One of my favorite memories is staying up late with Selena, cleaning and listening to music until 3 am. We discovered what looked like a giant bloodstain behind the refrigerator and make up crazy stories about what might have happened. We bonded as friends, although later on I would realize it was really just a friendship of convenience. Still, I think we both needed a safe place at that time.
When Whitey and I had the apartment on Broadway, it was the first time I had a kitchen with sliding glass doors and a table. I really felt like a grown up then hahaha Our apartment wasn't always clean, but the kitchen was. He used to always vacuum it for me since it had annoying carpeting. I don't remember much from that time, but I do remember that we always cooked for each other when one person was coming home later than the other. We knew that coming home was a relief from a long day of hard work and shitty pay. I think we both we yearning for some of the things we didn't get in our childhood.
Afterwards, I was invited to live with Selena and her family. The house was chaotic and full of drama, but I always insisted on keeping my room clean. Her parents were astonished when they realized I made my bed every morning no matter what LOL
Then came the time of sleeping on the couch at Brandon's. He was one of the sweetest guys I've ever known, even though he ending up doing some shady shit later on when we actually dated briefly. Once he moved out and I had the place to myself, the very first thing I did was set up an altar. I felt so peaceful coming home in the early morning hours after working a midnight shift, sitting down and lighting the candles. The simplicity and mystery of Wicca brought me peace, and I would fall asleep listening to Interpol or Depeche Mode. Unfortunately, I had Alan as a roommate and felt confined to my room since he was now sleeping on the couch. Plus, there was a lot of drama in my apartment complex and dealing with my ex who lived right next door to me.
The only time I really had full control over my living space was when I lived alone for that year and a half. I was poor but tried to make my tiny place relaxing, clean, with books and music. Candles and a small altar space. Posters from bands and movies I adored. The few times I did entertain, I really did enjoy it. Stefani and I had a Sunday morning ritual in which we would get off work and eat breakfast together before me falling asleep and her going to church. That is actually one of my favorite memories of that place.
Then, I lived in the trailer with Matt, Sarah, Stef, and Chad. Chaos, chaos, chaos. I don't remember much of that time. I think I was too depressed to give a shit. Stef and I would try to clean but everyone else was a fucking slob. Plus, I became addicted to the internet.
Damian and I lived in the house with Brad on Harbor St for maybe a year? I don't remember cooking that much, maybe 2-3 times a week? We ate out often, but I do remember always trying to keep the bathroom clean and kitchen clean. The house had a stale energy and smell; I was always burning candles and trying to freshen up the place.
When we moved to Austin, I loved our apartment but the kitchen was so tiny! I began cooking much more frequently, and even after we broke up, he said he missed my meals haha I didn't clean as much as I should have-I was too absorbed in browsing myspace and trying to meet people in Austin. I do remember certain times I attempted to make the place homey; particularly around Yule when I had Christmas music and hung up Christmas cards we'd received and garland. Of course, he was a grumpy ass and complained, but at least I tried!!
Living with Branden...hmmm. The place was obviously not mine but I did try a much as I could to make home cooked meals and clean from time to time.. It felt like I was giving him some happiness and that made me happy in return. Looking back, I think I should have done more, especially since I wasn't paying rent. I do remember a few times when we would cook and clean together; those are some of my favorite memories of us <3
Living with Jason, I really made the kitchen my space. As much as he did try to make room in his apartment for me, he has massive amount of books and occult/geek stuff everywhere. It just felt like him. The kitchen was mine though-organized and stocked pantry, kitchen sink always clean, windows, floors and doors washed down with van van oil. Coffee always staged and ready to go. Cooking and listening to Ray LaMontagne or early jazz. Opening the windows to smell the rosemary and mint growing on our little porch garden. I adored having my coven over and cooking for everyone. I find that I do enjoy being a hostess more than being a guest.
As my understanding of energy and magick has grown, having a clean and somewhat organized space has become more important to me over the years. I remember picking up The Magical Household by Scott Cunningham back in 2004 and really wishing for my ideal witchy home. To this day, it is still one of my favorite books!
Having lived in various types of settings during most of my life, the concept of Home is something I have longed for. A place that is warm and loving. A peaceful oasis from the weary world. A place full of love and laughter. Definitely not what I experienced in my youth. Definitely not the majority of my adult life when living with boyfriends or family.
Even while living with partners or family, looking back, I realized that I did try to inject as much as my dream as I could. As an adolescent, I would try to decorate with posters or crystals that my great aunt Trisha gave me. They usually got confiscated though. Then I turned to books and music that I savored in the privacy of my room, in fear of it being contaminated by the outside forces, aka the parents. TO this day, I still prefer to listen to music with headphones, probably because of not having privacy for so many years.
I remember living with my high school sweetheart and his family. At that time, I did not clean much, however I did enjoy cooking the few simple recipes I knew for him and our friends. I remember feeling a sense of pride when they would specifically ask for me to make my pizza bagel melts.
Ryan..ugh. One of the few relationships I actually regret on all levels. Still, I do remember trying to keep the house clean and even cooking dinners for us and his mom, when she would actually get off her computer and come to the table to eat.
Living in the trailer with Whitey and his brother, I insisted that the kitchen be decorated in blue gingham and lemon yellow. It made the place brighter, both in presence and feeling. The trailer was so dark (eck, cheap wood paneling) and I spend a lot of effort trying to brighten it up and using lemons to clean everything. One of my favorite memories is staying up late with Selena, cleaning and listening to music until 3 am. We discovered what looked like a giant bloodstain behind the refrigerator and make up crazy stories about what might have happened. We bonded as friends, although later on I would realize it was really just a friendship of convenience. Still, I think we both needed a safe place at that time.
When Whitey and I had the apartment on Broadway, it was the first time I had a kitchen with sliding glass doors and a table. I really felt like a grown up then hahaha Our apartment wasn't always clean, but the kitchen was. He used to always vacuum it for me since it had annoying carpeting. I don't remember much from that time, but I do remember that we always cooked for each other when one person was coming home later than the other. We knew that coming home was a relief from a long day of hard work and shitty pay. I think we both we yearning for some of the things we didn't get in our childhood.
Afterwards, I was invited to live with Selena and her family. The house was chaotic and full of drama, but I always insisted on keeping my room clean. Her parents were astonished when they realized I made my bed every morning no matter what LOL
Then came the time of sleeping on the couch at Brandon's. He was one of the sweetest guys I've ever known, even though he ending up doing some shady shit later on when we actually dated briefly. Once he moved out and I had the place to myself, the very first thing I did was set up an altar. I felt so peaceful coming home in the early morning hours after working a midnight shift, sitting down and lighting the candles. The simplicity and mystery of Wicca brought me peace, and I would fall asleep listening to Interpol or Depeche Mode. Unfortunately, I had Alan as a roommate and felt confined to my room since he was now sleeping on the couch. Plus, there was a lot of drama in my apartment complex and dealing with my ex who lived right next door to me.
The only time I really had full control over my living space was when I lived alone for that year and a half. I was poor but tried to make my tiny place relaxing, clean, with books and music. Candles and a small altar space. Posters from bands and movies I adored. The few times I did entertain, I really did enjoy it. Stefani and I had a Sunday morning ritual in which we would get off work and eat breakfast together before me falling asleep and her going to church. That is actually one of my favorite memories of that place.
Then, I lived in the trailer with Matt, Sarah, Stef, and Chad. Chaos, chaos, chaos. I don't remember much of that time. I think I was too depressed to give a shit. Stef and I would try to clean but everyone else was a fucking slob. Plus, I became addicted to the internet.
Damian and I lived in the house with Brad on Harbor St for maybe a year? I don't remember cooking that much, maybe 2-3 times a week? We ate out often, but I do remember always trying to keep the bathroom clean and kitchen clean. The house had a stale energy and smell; I was always burning candles and trying to freshen up the place.
When we moved to Austin, I loved our apartment but the kitchen was so tiny! I began cooking much more frequently, and even after we broke up, he said he missed my meals haha I didn't clean as much as I should have-I was too absorbed in browsing myspace and trying to meet people in Austin. I do remember certain times I attempted to make the place homey; particularly around Yule when I had Christmas music and hung up Christmas cards we'd received and garland. Of course, he was a grumpy ass and complained, but at least I tried!!
Living with Branden...hmmm. The place was obviously not mine but I did try a much as I could to make home cooked meals and clean from time to time.. It felt like I was giving him some happiness and that made me happy in return. Looking back, I think I should have done more, especially since I wasn't paying rent. I do remember a few times when we would cook and clean together; those are some of my favorite memories of us <3
Living with Jason, I really made the kitchen my space. As much as he did try to make room in his apartment for me, he has massive amount of books and occult/geek stuff everywhere. It just felt like him. The kitchen was mine though-organized and stocked pantry, kitchen sink always clean, windows, floors and doors washed down with van van oil. Coffee always staged and ready to go. Cooking and listening to Ray LaMontagne or early jazz. Opening the windows to smell the rosemary and mint growing on our little porch garden. I adored having my coven over and cooking for everyone. I find that I do enjoy being a hostess more than being a guest.
As my understanding of energy and magick has grown, having a clean and somewhat organized space has become more important to me over the years. I remember picking up The Magical Household by Scott Cunningham back in 2004 and really wishing for my ideal witchy home. To this day, it is still one of my favorite books!