weekend crud

I feel like shit rolled up in mold.
Worked back to back shifts 3 days in a row. That's always fun to have only 10 hours between a shift, barely enough time to sleep or eat :/

Naturally, since I had barely any time to myself, I didn't workout or prepare my meals. Ending up eating pizza @ Sams and then fast food for dinner. And of course, I drank too much caffeine and not enough water :(

Friday before work, for a combination of reasons, I nearly had a panic attack.
My sister told me not to take an Uber, but then she was late picking me up. I hate being late for anything. I'm always early to every shift, even when I take the bus because I need a few minutes to gather myself and prepare before my shift starts. By the time I punched in, I was 20 minutes late erggghh

And, like a dumbass, in the middle of my anxiety, I decided to text Gomez and tell him that this whole situation was making me feel unsafe emotionally. What was the point, we wouldn't be able to see each other very often, etc.

His reply texts were formal and cold. I knew he was hurt. Then, I got pissed because he wasn't trying to convince me that it would be ok. So then I confessed that I was hurt because I was sharing all my emotions and he was being so distant and logical, agreeing with me about money/travel, not wanting me to feel unsafe, etc.

He reminded about the tearful angel on his arm, stone on the outside, but deeply emotional on the inside. He said he understands the need to protect your heart. Being alone is safe, but it's like a purgatory that you just get comfortable in after too long.

I know he cares, I know that him being an Aspie has a lot to do with why it's hard for him to understand certain cues, especially in high stress, emotional situations. He explained all of this in his youtube videos. Why was I being like this? There had to be a better way to express my needs without making him feel worse because of his inability to deal with the situation they way I wanted him to.

He says that my directness is one of the reasons he likes me. I decided to apologize and explain the whole situation, including my own issues that were causing me distress and about how, for the past couple of years, I have been getting very depressed around the holidays. I apologized for freaking out, and of course I still wanted to come visit if he wasn't sick of me yet LOL

Then his warmth came back with lots of heart and cute kitten emojois and I knew it would be fine. Ended up awake until nearly 1 am, texting and trying to figure out the easiest, cheapest ways to make all our travel plans happen for the next few months. In the end, I gave him the options and said whatever you think is best, no pressure.

I can appreciate that he will follow my lead emotionally, but I refuse to make all of the decisions. I know he wants to save up for a nice, long weekend in Champaign for our first visit, but he's in the middle of moving to a new apartment, so I need to just relax and understand that it make take longer for him to save up than he'd originally planned. We could stay in a motel6 for all I care, but he wants to do something special.

Anyway, I felt peaceful about everything until I had to go back to work. The computer systems were overloaded and running super slow, which meant people got annoyed with me because everything was taking longer than normal.

Hey fuckers, perhaps if you kept your receipts I wouldn't have to search the database for the sweater you bought 6 months ago that now has a hole in it. Or the TV you bought yesterday. How the fuck do you purchase a television with a warranty and lose the paperwork in 24 hours??!

Some of the crap these people return pisses me the fuck off. No wonder everything is so expensive, you have no idea how much money these business lose just in returns. Some guy purchase $600 worth of alcohol, and decided he didn't need it. Well, in Illinois, you cannot resell liquor once it leaves the premises so it all got thrown in the trash. Same goes with dairy, frozen items, fruit. Every time someone buys something, leaves the club, and comes back and hour later saying "I bought the wrong one" it gets thrown away because we have no way of knowing if it was stored properly.

Not only is people's stupidity annoying and costly, it upset me that thousands of dollars worth of food gets thrown out every wee when it could feed so many people. We do donate food, but again, cold items cannot be donated because of potential risk of being spoiled.
Anyway....

On top of the general douchery I had to deal with in terms of the public and their holly, jolly attitudes *eyeroll*, my sister decided that Sunday was the day she was going to start moving my stuff out of the big room to the smaller room.

Several times, I asked for a date so I could have all my stuff prepared. One, I don't like the idea of people that don't "get me" touching my stuff, and two, if my brother in law accidently found any of my witchy items, I just might end up homeless LOL

You would think that I would be smart an pack it all away, but nope. Witches always live on the edge and defy authority, one way or another LOL

So, after a long terrible day, I came home to both rooms being a mess and my sister demanding I get started on cleaning, even thought I'd been on my feet for 9 hours and just needed to relax.

I can't wait to move. I almost hope Jason's GF does leave, I would rent that room in a heartbeat. He lives in the same neighborhood, and for the most part, I feel comfortable and safe there. I miss the city. Plus, I wouldn't have to travel so far to school, which would give me more time to get my homework done.

So I've gained back 2 pounds and a giant fucking mess on the second floor to deal with. I should probably quit bitching and go workout.