same as it ever was...

[shadowkitten]

Some people never evolve.
She is my friend and perhaps I just need to accept this as who she is.

We only have one night to spend time together. It starts out great as it always does. Then we got to a bar. Immediately, she is flirting with the bartender, and he buys her a shot. Meanwhile, I'm the one paying for our drinks, and he barely even acknowledges me. A little disappointing because I actually thought I looked fantastic in new my dress and my makeup was on point, but I guess it happens to every woman eventually. I am finally invisible to men. Lately, I've been considering going grey. Haven't dyed my hair is almost a year and have a few greys popping through. I guess this was finally the confirmation that I needed to go ahead and embrace the crone to become the hag witch I was truly meant to be LOL 

Anyway, she then starts talking to random dudes about Vicodin withdrawal. I'm getting annoying because I literally haven't seen her since 2017 and instead of spending time with me, she's hugging strangers. At this point, it is past 10pm and we still haven't settled on a hotel reservation. I'm getting frustrated because Stef is waking up at 5am to make the 3-hour drive to pick me up and I need to text her the hotel address. I pound down my drink and go outside to make a hotel reservation and eventually she comes outside. Accuses me of being grumpy and anti-social. Keep in mind, I have been awake since 7am and she rolled out of bed around 5pm so yeah, I was not exactly bursting with energy at that particular point in the evening.

We get to the hotel, have a good conversation but its damn near 1:30 and I desperately need sleep. Suddenly, her phone starts going off. 
She gave the random stranger at the bar her phone number. On the night we are supposed to be hanging out:/
I would not be surprised if she met up with him when I was sleeping because when I woke up at 8am, she was still wide awake and looked like she had just taken a shower and scrubbed off her makeup.

Not that I care. She is a grown woman and can do whatever she wants. I just don't understand how she can feel ok about the fact that she hasn't had a steady job since 2014 and she is getting older and fatter. Spends her nights with "her boys" and seem to not worry a damn bit about her future or any sort of financial stability. I seriously hope she is using multiple forces of protection since they are in Texas and sleeping with 5 different men. She sleeps all day and wakes up at night. Take 1-2 classes a semester at community college. No understanding that her resume from working at Dell is outdated. She hasn't been a project manager since 2014. Does she not realize how much things have changed? No sense of urgency whatsoever to get her life on track. 

Asked her "have you ever thought about what you would do if you and David split up?", and her response was that she would just have to be strong and figure it out. Maybe it is my own anxiety but there is no way I could have such a vague backup plan at this stage of life.
She kept mentioning us living like the Golden Girls when/if her and David split up. If it ever comes to that point, my house will me a (mostly) man-free zone.  No dudes sitting on my couch, coming in and out, eating my food. Nope, nope, nope. She seems to think that if D finally gets sick of her shit, she will move in with me. 

Hopefully that situation never comes to fruition, because I would not feel comfortable living with her at all and saying NO would make me responsible for sending her into a downward spiral because I'm the only somewhat stable, non-drug addicted friend she has.  

Yet, she is my friend and I do care about her. We always have fun together...until we don't/ 
She always gets male attention and makes contacts so easily. 
People are drawn to her and she is very open, sexually.
Obviously, those are things I struggle with.
So, there is a part of me that understand my anger with her is probably based in a bit of envy as well. 
Trying to be less judgmental and more self-aware.
However, the older I get the more pathetic and annoying her behavior becomes.
"Grow up" seems like such a harsh thing to say to someone.
So I bite my tongue and remain grateful I no longer live close enough to experience her bullshit on a regular basis. 

 

Comments

[poisonedgrace]

Her behavior was a mess back when we lived by the cemetery, and it sounds way worse now. Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go better on the visit.