![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jul. 11th, 2018 09:57 amI feel like I've done nothing but sit here for the past 20 minutes; typing and retyping. Deleting and thinking.
At this point, I have much to say but still haven't sorted it out in my brain.
Right now, I'm working through a book called The Artist's Way, and part of the program is to write every day. Usually, that's not a problem for me but this morning my thoughts re just scattered. To be fair, she says just to write whatever comes to mind. I don't know why I'm making this so difficult ugh
My anxiety isn't going to be relived until I am able to make a decision about school. My friend keep saying she wants to loan me money, but whenever I mention it, she always has some sort of drama going on and never gives me a definitive answer. The weird thing is, she offered to me. I never asked. At this point, I think I'm just going to let it go.
I recently started re-watching Highlander, the TV show. I had such a crush on Adrian Paul when I was young; checked out his social media yesterday and he's still a very attractive man hehe
There's a guy at work who is getting kind of flirty with me. He's sort of attractive, but I doubt we have much in common. Plus, he's recently divorced. There's someone else. Josh. He's kind of cute in a weird way. I really liked his personality, he reminds me of my first love; very sarcastic but sweet to people once he gets to know them. We are planning to go to the farmer's market some time as friends. There's a cool used bookstore we both have been talking about. Our text conversations basically consist of sending pictures and memes of aliens/xfiles/monsters etc. It's nice to feel like I have a few friends around here; my other co-worker and I went to brunch the other day. Part of me will be really sad to leave Sam's when the time comes.
Speaking of boys...I think I finally realized something about the situation with Gomez. As much as we loved and cared for each other in our own weird way, I really don't think it would have worked out in the long run. Part of my feelings for him were almost sort of...maternal. He has not had a lot of love and care in his life, and I wanted to take care of him. I also feel very protective of him and he even admitted that if it wasn't for me pushing him to confront his roommate, he would have never collected the money he was owed. I need a guy who's a bit more assertive; I like taking care of people but I also don't want to feel like their mom.
Although there was definitive attraction and deep feelings on both ends, I don't think he has the ability (because of his autism) to be as affectionate or as emotionally receptive as I would probably need my lover to be. He is in a poly relationship now, and only sees his girlfriend 1-2 times a month. He seems to be happy with that,and he feels he can really give because he needs his alone time and gets stressed easily. I don't think I could ever be happy with that situation as a long term arrangement.
He said that when he comes to visit in August, we can sit down and talk about things, but I'm just not really that invested anymore. It will be nice to spend time together, but I just don't think he could give me what I need, even if we has some sort of "friends with benefits" situation. What's done is done. I hope he will be happy with his choice in the long term, although I honestly don't think he's actually poly :/ He just gets scared of big emotions and melts down, which is normal for people on the spectrum. I know he didn't mean to hurt me.
My hair is really annoying me lately. I think it's time to change it up. I really want a loose perm or something...maybe even go back to a dark red shade.
I'm really starting to see progress in my arms/back with my workouts. I quit doing the corset waist training because it's too fucking hot at the moment. Did I mention my brother in law is an air conditioning Nazi?? I'm pretty sure they waste more money and electricity with all these damn fans running LOL
The books says we are to write 3 pages each day. Well, sorry lady but my life isn't that eventful.
At this point, I have much to say but still haven't sorted it out in my brain.
Right now, I'm working through a book called The Artist's Way, and part of the program is to write every day. Usually, that's not a problem for me but this morning my thoughts re just scattered. To be fair, she says just to write whatever comes to mind. I don't know why I'm making this so difficult ugh
My anxiety isn't going to be relived until I am able to make a decision about school. My friend keep saying she wants to loan me money, but whenever I mention it, she always has some sort of drama going on and never gives me a definitive answer. The weird thing is, she offered to me. I never asked. At this point, I think I'm just going to let it go.
I recently started re-watching Highlander, the TV show. I had such a crush on Adrian Paul when I was young; checked out his social media yesterday and he's still a very attractive man hehe
There's a guy at work who is getting kind of flirty with me. He's sort of attractive, but I doubt we have much in common. Plus, he's recently divorced. There's someone else. Josh. He's kind of cute in a weird way. I really liked his personality, he reminds me of my first love; very sarcastic but sweet to people once he gets to know them. We are planning to go to the farmer's market some time as friends. There's a cool used bookstore we both have been talking about. Our text conversations basically consist of sending pictures and memes of aliens/xfiles/monsters etc. It's nice to feel like I have a few friends around here; my other co-worker and I went to brunch the other day. Part of me will be really sad to leave Sam's when the time comes.
Speaking of boys...I think I finally realized something about the situation with Gomez. As much as we loved and cared for each other in our own weird way, I really don't think it would have worked out in the long run. Part of my feelings for him were almost sort of...maternal. He has not had a lot of love and care in his life, and I wanted to take care of him. I also feel very protective of him and he even admitted that if it wasn't for me pushing him to confront his roommate, he would have never collected the money he was owed. I need a guy who's a bit more assertive; I like taking care of people but I also don't want to feel like their mom.
Although there was definitive attraction and deep feelings on both ends, I don't think he has the ability (because of his autism) to be as affectionate or as emotionally receptive as I would probably need my lover to be. He is in a poly relationship now, and only sees his girlfriend 1-2 times a month. He seems to be happy with that,and he feels he can really give because he needs his alone time and gets stressed easily. I don't think I could ever be happy with that situation as a long term arrangement.
He said that when he comes to visit in August, we can sit down and talk about things, but I'm just not really that invested anymore. It will be nice to spend time together, but I just don't think he could give me what I need, even if we has some sort of "friends with benefits" situation. What's done is done. I hope he will be happy with his choice in the long term, although I honestly don't think he's actually poly :/ He just gets scared of big emotions and melts down, which is normal for people on the spectrum. I know he didn't mean to hurt me.
My hair is really annoying me lately. I think it's time to change it up. I really want a loose perm or something...maybe even go back to a dark red shade.
I'm really starting to see progress in my arms/back with my workouts. I quit doing the corset waist training because it's too fucking hot at the moment. Did I mention my brother in law is an air conditioning Nazi?? I'm pretty sure they waste more money and electricity with all these damn fans running LOL
The books says we are to write 3 pages each day. Well, sorry lady but my life isn't that eventful.