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shadowkittenI come here time and time again, thinking I have something to say and then words get lost between my thoughts and the keyboard.
Turned 44 at the end of May. Not sure how I feel about that, tbh
Part of me still feels like a young, carefree idiot who has no idea what's she's doing but is kinda ok with that. The other part of me is just a constant ball of anxiety: never enough time, energy, money, etc to do everything that I want/need to do.
I find myself becoming extremely agitated with people who have no sense of urgency or motivation. Or people who need to be told what to do every step of the way. Light a fire under your ass and MOVE, or just let me do it myself-I don't have time for this shit!!
I've been in danger of slipping into Karen mode when dealing with people/situations that are unnecessarily difficult, time consuming, etc. And I don't want to be that person!
However-
I think I understand why it's such a common stereotype for middle-aged women. Hormone are fluctuating, your body is changing, there's more pressure to GET SHIT DONE because we are acutely aware that our time is precious. It can be difficult to accept that we might not be considered as attractive as we once were. Or at the very least, what once came naturally now takes effort to maintain.
Still not an excuse to be aggressive/rude to others but yeah, I get it.
Hopefully, as a result of my spiritual practice I am more mindful and self-aware, and that will help me *not* turn into someone I don't want to be.
At the summer solstice, I made an altar of shells, flowers, driftwood, salt water, sand, and a gifted sea green crystal sphere that has gorgeous smoky grey clouding near the top.
It was an impromptu little ritual after work and running errands. Originally, there other plans but adulting happened and yeah....
I lit the candle, closed my eyes and eventually entered that liminal space. Had a vision of myself as a crone, living in a seaside town. I took my knapsack to the beach during a thunderstorm. The full moon illuminated the crashing waves as I cast a circle with a random stick and the appropriate incantations. The salty air whipped all around me; my hair was long and streaked with silver and grey. I left offerings and prayers for Her and Him and the Hidden Ones that live in the deep, then collected a few stones and shells on the way home to my little crone cottage.
Sea witch? Hmm...maybe that's something to look forward to :)
My face was obscured the entire time. Probably a deeper message there but I was not unhappy as a crone. That was reassuring.
I know where I'm going. I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid that I'm not living my life to the fullest and at this point, unless I win the lottery, not sure how I can make time for everything I want to do. Promised myself on my birthday that would find opportunity every day to do something for me that improves my life in some way. Do something every day that my future self will thank me for.
So far, I've kept that promise. Granted, it's only been a month but still.... the vow was made in circle so I'm not gonna fuck around and find out 💀
Turned 44 at the end of May. Not sure how I feel about that, tbh
Part of me still feels like a young, carefree idiot who has no idea what's she's doing but is kinda ok with that. The other part of me is just a constant ball of anxiety: never enough time, energy, money, etc to do everything that I want/need to do.
I find myself becoming extremely agitated with people who have no sense of urgency or motivation. Or people who need to be told what to do every step of the way. Light a fire under your ass and MOVE, or just let me do it myself-I don't have time for this shit!!
I've been in danger of slipping into Karen mode when dealing with people/situations that are unnecessarily difficult, time consuming, etc. And I don't want to be that person!
However-
I think I understand why it's such a common stereotype for middle-aged women. Hormone are fluctuating, your body is changing, there's more pressure to GET SHIT DONE because we are acutely aware that our time is precious. It can be difficult to accept that we might not be considered as attractive as we once were. Or at the very least, what once came naturally now takes effort to maintain.
Still not an excuse to be aggressive/rude to others but yeah, I get it.
Hopefully, as a result of my spiritual practice I am more mindful and self-aware, and that will help me *not* turn into someone I don't want to be.
At the summer solstice, I made an altar of shells, flowers, driftwood, salt water, sand, and a gifted sea green crystal sphere that has gorgeous smoky grey clouding near the top.
It was an impromptu little ritual after work and running errands. Originally, there other plans but adulting happened and yeah....
I lit the candle, closed my eyes and eventually entered that liminal space. Had a vision of myself as a crone, living in a seaside town. I took my knapsack to the beach during a thunderstorm. The full moon illuminated the crashing waves as I cast a circle with a random stick and the appropriate incantations. The salty air whipped all around me; my hair was long and streaked with silver and grey. I left offerings and prayers for Her and Him and the Hidden Ones that live in the deep, then collected a few stones and shells on the way home to my little crone cottage.
Sea witch? Hmm...maybe that's something to look forward to :)
My face was obscured the entire time. Probably a deeper message there but I was not unhappy as a crone. That was reassuring.
I know where I'm going. I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid that I'm not living my life to the fullest and at this point, unless I win the lottery, not sure how I can make time for everything I want to do. Promised myself on my birthday that would find opportunity every day to do something for me that improves my life in some way. Do something every day that my future self will thank me for.
So far, I've kept that promise. Granted, it's only been a month but still.... the vow was made in circle so I'm not gonna fuck around and find out 💀