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Jun. 5th, 2021 06:55 amI've finally come to the decision that I absolutely need to move, and not just to the other side of town.
Obviously, I've thought this for awhile now considering there isn't much public transit here but really I need distance from my family.
Keep in mind, my BIL grew up and still is evangelical and already my sweet niece is asking questions about the things in my house.
Josh already avoids my BIL and he gets angry at me for taking certain things down while she is there.
When you are under the threat of possibly never seeing the kids again via my BIL, it seems like a small sacrifice.
When she was a toddler it was easier but now she is getting good with her letters and notices EVERYTHING. She can read some words without help and of course, asks a million questions. I won't ever lie to her but I also want to avoid certain topics if at all possible.
The last thing I need is her innocently mentioning something at my house and my BIL flipping his lid.
Keep in mind this is a man who says he forgave his dad for lying and cheating on his mom (he's gay) for so many years, but then refuses to acknowledge his dad's partner.
Don't get me wrong, Blake and his sister had every right to be angry that they were lied to and Lisa (their mom) wasted her youth building a sham of a marriage with this man. I would be pissed too, especially since he admitted he chose to marry Lisa because she was religious and naïve. I'm sure her process of grieving was devastating.
However, if you are TRULY forgiving someone, you wouldn't hold a grudge against the partner either.
The kids are not allowed to go to their grandpa's house, they aren't allowed to ever meet the partner.
he is excluded from all celebrations so Donald is always alone whenever we have family get togethers. It makes me so sad to see everyone with their significant other when Donald is always alone at every party.
I remember sitting at Chipotle with my stepmom when my sister told us this during their engagement. I was disgusted and asked her "how can you marry someone like that?" she just shrugged and said "that his beliefs and in the bible it says"... blah blah blah.
You know, it would be one thing if Renee genuinely believed all those things before she met him (still gross but hear me out) but the reality is after her first divorce she was desperate and wanted to have kids knew her time was running out.
Girl, do what you gotta do I guess but there is no way in hell I could willingly live like that.
Here's the thing, in my family we have a very disconnected history. My stepmom was a major contributing factor in driving a wedge between my dad and his mom, which resulted in us eventually being cut off from our Nana. And my dad eventually had a problem with me spending time with my great aunt Trish because she taught me about Edgar Cayce, past lives, crystals, etc etc. Then when I left home, I tried to still communicate with my sister and my little brother and my parents wouldn't allow it. To this day, my brother and I are not close and maybe text a few times a year.
And of course, I haven't seen my own birth mother since I was 8.
the point is I don't want that to happen anymore.
It would be nice if I didn't have to shoulder the burden of keeping it together, keeping the peace in the family by subduing myself (which I have ALWAYS had to do around one way or another).
It would be nice if we could have a family holiday without my BIL's passive aggressive prayer comments during Christmas Eve dinner. Don't get me wrong, my BIL does have his nice moments but overall, I just don't really like him. I feel bad for saying that but its the truth. Ever since I met him, before I knew about his beliefs...there was just something about him that made me feel uncomfortable.
Hell, I don't even have a problem doing the mealtime prayer but he always has to add commentary in that tone that just reminds me I can't actually ever be myself around these people. Last Christmas it was something about false beliefs and that Jesus is the only true reason for the season and let us not be fooled ugh
If it weren't for the kids I would have noped right the fuck out of there.
It would be nice if my beliefs were not mocked or considered evil. Let's be real, you can't reason with these hardcore conservative Christians who, in reality, follow Paul more than Jesus (but that's a different blogpost for a different time).
They aren't going to change and I don't want to be cut off from my niece and nephew because of their parents.
Distance will be best, I think.
Obviously, I've thought this for awhile now considering there isn't much public transit here but really I need distance from my family.
Keep in mind, my BIL grew up and still is evangelical and already my sweet niece is asking questions about the things in my house.
Josh already avoids my BIL and he gets angry at me for taking certain things down while she is there.
When you are under the threat of possibly never seeing the kids again via my BIL, it seems like a small sacrifice.
When she was a toddler it was easier but now she is getting good with her letters and notices EVERYTHING. She can read some words without help and of course, asks a million questions. I won't ever lie to her but I also want to avoid certain topics if at all possible.
The last thing I need is her innocently mentioning something at my house and my BIL flipping his lid.
Keep in mind this is a man who says he forgave his dad for lying and cheating on his mom (he's gay) for so many years, but then refuses to acknowledge his dad's partner.
Don't get me wrong, Blake and his sister had every right to be angry that they were lied to and Lisa (their mom) wasted her youth building a sham of a marriage with this man. I would be pissed too, especially since he admitted he chose to marry Lisa because she was religious and naïve. I'm sure her process of grieving was devastating.
However, if you are TRULY forgiving someone, you wouldn't hold a grudge against the partner either.
The kids are not allowed to go to their grandpa's house, they aren't allowed to ever meet the partner.
he is excluded from all celebrations so Donald is always alone whenever we have family get togethers. It makes me so sad to see everyone with their significant other when Donald is always alone at every party.
I remember sitting at Chipotle with my stepmom when my sister told us this during their engagement. I was disgusted and asked her "how can you marry someone like that?" she just shrugged and said "that his beliefs and in the bible it says"... blah blah blah.
You know, it would be one thing if Renee genuinely believed all those things before she met him (still gross but hear me out) but the reality is after her first divorce she was desperate and wanted to have kids knew her time was running out.
Girl, do what you gotta do I guess but there is no way in hell I could willingly live like that.
Here's the thing, in my family we have a very disconnected history. My stepmom was a major contributing factor in driving a wedge between my dad and his mom, which resulted in us eventually being cut off from our Nana. And my dad eventually had a problem with me spending time with my great aunt Trish because she taught me about Edgar Cayce, past lives, crystals, etc etc. Then when I left home, I tried to still communicate with my sister and my little brother and my parents wouldn't allow it. To this day, my brother and I are not close and maybe text a few times a year.
And of course, I haven't seen my own birth mother since I was 8.
the point is I don't want that to happen anymore.
It would be nice if I didn't have to shoulder the burden of keeping it together, keeping the peace in the family by subduing myself (which I have ALWAYS had to do around one way or another).
It would be nice if we could have a family holiday without my BIL's passive aggressive prayer comments during Christmas Eve dinner. Don't get me wrong, my BIL does have his nice moments but overall, I just don't really like him. I feel bad for saying that but its the truth. Ever since I met him, before I knew about his beliefs...there was just something about him that made me feel uncomfortable.
Hell, I don't even have a problem doing the mealtime prayer but he always has to add commentary in that tone that just reminds me I can't actually ever be myself around these people. Last Christmas it was something about false beliefs and that Jesus is the only true reason for the season and let us not be fooled ugh
If it weren't for the kids I would have noped right the fuck out of there.
It would be nice if my beliefs were not mocked or considered evil. Let's be real, you can't reason with these hardcore conservative Christians who, in reality, follow Paul more than Jesus (but that's a different blogpost for a different time).
They aren't going to change and I don't want to be cut off from my niece and nephew because of their parents.
Distance will be best, I think.