"All that dies shall be reborn..."

For the past (almost) 2 years, I have primarily worked with and worshipped a particular goddess. At the time of my dedication, it was a tough decision for me to make, as I mostly considered myself a folk magician/hedgewitch animist.
Roll up a candle, dress it in oil and herbs, throw some paper in your shoe, make a poppet or do a honey jar. No need for the muss and fuss of casting circle.
Mythology was cool and all, but ancestors (of spirit and blood), personal power, and local spirits first.

However, when Aphrodite came along, my perspective changed.
In a way I was brought back to my early days of Wicca, in which the religious aspect was important. IIRC, most of the rituals we did were for worship, magic was secondary (unless something big or important needed to be dealt with).

I thought I had moved well beyond those early years of study and practice, but as of late my interest has been greatly kindled.

I forgot how much peace that brought into my life at the time.
I was young, dumb, and had not a crumb to my name.
Most of my ritual tools came from walmart, thrift stores, or the Dollar General.
I still have the candle holders I bough back then, as well as a star shaped glass bowl in which I often used crystals or found rocks with colored symbols at each point to correspond with the elements as a secret type of altar. Witchcraft on the sly hehehe
My first tarot bag was a purple velvet wine bottle holder I got for 50 cents. That thing lasted well over a decade!

In the midst of depression, general chaos and struggle, there was ritual. Dedication, every full moon because "that is what witches do". That 10 minutes to yourself each morning or evening when you sat in sacred space.

In recent years, the "traditional" witch vs Wiccan debates have blown up the interwebz yet again. And now with the popularity of the "nu goth" look, everybody and their damn kid sisters think they are a "basic witch". They also think they are goth (nope) but that's a whole different can of worms for another time :/

This annoys me but it's only a distraction from the real subject. And that is: does what you claim to believe or practice bring peace and love and joy into your life?
Are you empowered, is your life improving for the better, or are you caught up in cool tumblr/IG witch aesthetics; spending hundreds of dollars collecting occult books, indie tarot decks and massive amount of crystals you probably won't ever use?

Back to Aphrodite and my Wiccan roots.
At the time, in the mid 90s, of course most people bought the whole "wicca: the ancient witchcraft religion" shtick. Then came Triumph of the Moon which cleared up a lot of confusion (although it does have its faults as well).

I'm hetero. Maybe (probably) a bit bi. Not that it matters. As a fertility religion/cult, most people who are outside of the norm (childfree or not hetero) might not feel connected to the cycle of the God and the Goddess coming together and apart as the Wheel turns. The polarity and the Great Rite may seem meaningless. Understandable.
Go your own way. Wicca doesn't have to change for you.

Aphrodite reminded me of one of the reasons I felt drawn to Wicca as a teen: sexual expression and freedom. Regardless of whether or not every aspect of Wicca applies to my life in particular, there are still lessons.

I am not going to have to have children, the mother aspect of Goddess energy is something I struggle with on many, many levels.
I don't feel I've experienced true maidenhood, and the idea of being a Crone freaks me the fuck out tbh.
There was no great Triple Goddess (at least in the form of maiden, mother and crone) but does it really matter?
Those cycles are ever present, whether someone put a label on it or not.
There was no witch cult in which a great horned god was universally worshipped. Who the hell cares?

These archetypes and energies exist throughout all of myth and religion across the world. Sacrificial gods, divine mothers, wise crones, tricksters, etc. Wicca simply combines two of those archetypes into a system of worship and magic.
While I do believe that each spirit and deity is its own energy, it's also a greater part of the whole.
Birth, life, death...the circle is never-ending.

I don't need proof that Wicca existed before 1930-something.
I don't care that Gerald Gardner ripped off other magickal systems, and based Wicca off an incomplete BoS he was given (which means they were either making up as they went along, Or he was not fully initiated when he began writing and making Wicca public).

It simply does not matter to me.

I don't need to agree with everything written about Wicca. Or how to do rituals or set up your altar. That's not what inspires me.
Perhaps because I have always been more into (and naturally talented at) the shamanic aspects of the craft, I find that I rarely do full fledged spells on my own. I don't need hundreds of witch books, a cabinet full of exotic herbs and oils, or even an athame and wand. I have my tools that I treasure, a few tarot decks that really resonate with me, and a shoebox selection of crystals and oils that are well rounded and can handle most situations.
I'm still very much the homespun witch, while the occasional flare for ritual proper.
After speaking to some actual traditional Gard Wiccans, there's a lot of misinformation out there that got printed over and over and over again until it became "truth".

That may or may not be.

I really don't worry too much about it.

Wicca gave me an opportunity to connect with healthy masculine energy. Seeing males in a divine, loving manner is something I know a lot of people who come to the craft struggle with. I am seeking that connection again. I want the men in my life to know that I welcome their unique energy. I refuse to live a life in which I view half of the population as my potential enemy. It goes against everything I came to love about finding this pagan path so long ago.

On Imbolc of this year (a sabbat that I have never ever actually celebrated tbh) I was walking around campus and realized that it was unusually sunny and warm. I looked down and saw a single dandelion sprouting in the cracks of the slushy sidewalk. Ok. What else have I been missing?

This is one of the reasons I left the Ones of Fire. We had AMAZING rituals most of the time, but I can count on one hand how many times we actually did shit outside *cries*
Spells, spells, spells. At some point, I think using magic becomes a crutch or an escape for some people.

After leaving my coven, I tried training in another system. While the teachers are among my favorite authors and just all around amazing men, it's not where I belong.

So I come back to where I began.
"...and to Her we shall return..."

I will always have a space for Aphrodite in my home, but I fear she is pulling away.
As much as I thought this would be a lifetime relationship, it is possible that she came to teach me lessons on my journey of inner healing. I do believe that certain spirits or animal messengers come to you as teachers, not always as a patron deity.
Perhaps someone new will introduce themselves? Until then, I walk with the Lady of the Moon and Lord of the Hunt. Blessed Be!